My Living Testimony - Part 6

Liberated

Heb 4:12
For the word of God is living, and active, and sharper than any two edged sword
and quick to discern the thoughts and intents of the heart.

His words came from him like power and life to my soul and they discerned and distinguished every thought and intention of my heart unbeknownst to me. I sat their in conflict as my life was revealed, bare and naked, exposed for what I was, twisted and angry, and for what I was causing not only to my self but to the rest of society. I found myself accepting an invitation to good to refuse, a second chance at life, a clean slate, a chance to start a fresh, a chance to right all the wrongs in my life. Finally to be rid of that enslaving narcotic and the orchestrated ensemble that went with it; poverty, paranoia, depression, violence and crime and inevitably death, this was an answer to prayer. I could now be liberated and allowed to be the true person I was intended to be before my endless depravity and corruption. The power of God became a reality to me that night, this was not some cheap fiction that you could purchase at the 711 for a few bucks as a feel good resolve. No, the truth was about to incriminate but also liberate my world, all I had to do was respond under the conviction of the truth.
The pastor stepped down to a level playing field from the pulpit so all eyes were fixed at the same horizon, there was total silence and the altar as it was called was made open to anyone that needed Jesus in their lives. For those who would freely submit to His authority and power, to begin a new life with Jesus at the helm and to be washed clean by the sacrifice of His blood then receive the free gift of God, eternal life! A life within a Kingdom of peace, of goodness and of right action, all the while having this supernatural God and His son taking the greatest care of you and blessing you with all of His Kingdoms riches both naturally and spiritually. Now tell me, who could refuse that? To be accepted and loved by someone I didn't know really didn't impress me that much but the sentiment of that kind of love and acceptance was a deal clincher. I wanted to be loved and accepted without conditions and ridicule, don't we all? I needed to change and be rid of the rage and guilt which had all but devoured me.
I was struck by the power of God out of my seat, my hand I noticed was raised already in response to the Pastors request and I made my way down to the front of the church, where the unseen altar was. I knew that you offered up sacrifices upon an altar but I couldn't see one. Later it fell into place that this was where spiritually I laid down my life in surrender. I didn't even give a second thought to all those eyes upon my back! I needed this Salvation desperately. I was about to get a second chance at life and receive a new life of what is now know as Faith and love and of power! Power to overcome the tragedy's and failures of life without God, the power to resurrect the dead in me; decency, love, forgiveness and justice! I have since faced the giants in my life with His wisdom and grace from above, a grace that also extends itself to others and finally having experienced it first hand; mercy. Mercy is a funny thing, compassionate yet full of empathy and love identifying with weaknesses and distress, all the while allowing His love at your disposal to ooze indiscriminately towards others. I passionately hated people and I was good at it, it was easier to blame and hate everyone instead of the handful that actually had hurt me and so consistently let me down throughout my life. Don't they say; once bitten twice shy?

As I stood there while every eye was closed and every head bowed I inched forward to align the toes of my shoes with the two other pair out on the floor that stood beside me that night. I felt an arm come across my shoulder from my right but immediately I shrugged off the intrusion and stood alone. Vulnerable and alone I wasn't going to be anybody's fool as I stood there naked. I was so easy to read, a tough guy and afraid of what was going to happen. The pastor saw right through my gruff demeanor then he gently laid his hand on my shoulder. He spoke so softly to me so as no one else could hear. It was intimate and personal and the tension in my shoulders released their grip, every muscle relaxed and fell down my back like a pack of staged domino's collapsing. He asked the inevitable! Will you make Jesus the Lord and Saviour of your life? Do you want to be free of the burdens of sin and receive His forgiveness, Salvation and Eternal life? There was no quandary or hesitation, I wanted Him and I had waited which seemed a lifetime for this difference, this was my time......I said YES! I prayed a prayer with the pastor of repentance, acknowledging my sin and disobedience to God and His word. The pastor began to pray quietly yet with power and what seemed to be aggression. I felt something strange happening but closed my eyes as I accepted what was taking place.
My body shook and the ground beneath literally quaked! "A battle over my soul was taking place" were the words he used to inform me. I stood there for what appeared to be at least 4 or 5 minutes. He went on to pray for the other two and then returned, he continued to pray fervently over my soul. When he had finished praying I was drained and spent. I had no energy, every single ounce of it was gone, I had no fray left in me.
The auditorium erupted with applause as we went back to our seats and the band played loud and the people sang! Rejoice, Rejoice.....I can't remember the other words. Smiles, hand shakes and congratulations were handed out like cigars from a new father to his family and friends after the birth of his first child. The pastor shook my hand a handsome gesture and slipped me some literature to read later. He also appointed a man to me to answer any questions I might have and to call at any time of day or night.
I had just been "Born Again" A spiritual awakening inside of a corpse doomed and destined for destruction, a spiritual encounter that Humanistic reasoning could not interpret. A new life now existed within me liberated from the flesh. The coexistence of both flesh and spirit in one being. The crowning glory of man to be born again of something pure, holy and supernatural. It was intoxicating!
I left fairly soon after and laid awake for quite some time that night memorizing every moment step by step of the eventful evening. I was proud of the earnest decision I had made, not based upon a whim but upon a well thought out process stemming from a dire call for help one month earlier, to a God I was uncertain existed or cared for me. God responded to the desperation in my heart from the very day I called to Him. Sadly though, it often takes a tragedy to humble mankind before we will call upon the God of Salvation. Many fall to their death through pride.
The next morning elated I jumped out of bed at my new found experience and savored every moment again. Wow! I had slept for the first time I can remember in years like I had been wrapped in pure goose down, thick and soft and slumbered a whole winter. So refreshed, awake and revived. I can breathe freely without that repetitive droning cough and mucus trying to throw itself out from the back of my raw throat and half deflated lungs! but that's not all, what's this! I don't crave a taste (a hit up the arm), I don't want a cigarette or any other drug. I don't feel like a drink! I feel very different, smooth, clean, Alive....I can feel the blood rushing through my veins it almost appears to be cleansed of every impurity that existed just last night, like I've had a transfusion. My tired raspy throat was healed and no longer sore from the excessive consumption of raw alcohol and tobacco.
Physically something had happened to me overnight, my lungs now seemed full of pure oxygen, opening to full capacity, no pollutants inhibiting my intake of a cool deep breath of air. The scales had fallen from my bloodied weary eyes and I could see for the first time so clearly. The day appeared brighter colors sharper and looking at things somehow differently with fresh eyes. This was miraculous! The power of God had rejuvenated my entire body while I slept in comfort and peace. A new creation!
Previously I had escaped the snare of addiction for a short few months. I worked so hard at overcoming the relentless push and desire for the depraved crystal. Six months of pain and hard work to beat and reduce my daily intake to nil. I knew the difficulty in doing so and the powerful drive behind the habit. From the first push of the needle it took a mere three seconds for the drug to circulate through my body and reach my brain, heart and crotch. Oh the potent rush and pungent emotion took my breath away, it was orgasmic a festival for the senses. Towards the final stage of my addiction the drug slowed to a thirty second lapse to reach any part of my senses and I required a lot more drug. My blood was like black mud and would ooze slowly back into the syringe before I would ram it into my torn vein.
After many indiscriminate partners and the fellowship of needles it would have been irresponsible of me not to be blood tested for disease. Hepatitis C, A or B, Aids whatever? I didn't want to put my future bride at risk so I was checked and re checked with nothing to show but pure rich diseased free blood. I had been healed.....
I was more certain than ever of this miracle, this cure, this abrupt end. There was no longer a desire or craving for anything from that moment on.....and in no humanly way was that ever possible. I had been delivered of every drug dependency and now had accepted and experienced first hand the tangibleness of God. It was this power and miracle that I held onto whenever times got tough. For this man, it's not the end of a chapter where I'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after, but rather scale new heights at the side of my master, off into the sunrise.......where a new day dawns.

Rinaldo