My Living Testimony - Part 5

An Inaugural Truth

I finally caved to the repetitive questioning of when was I ever going to go along to church. I desperately wanted to go but never quite felt ready, ready for what! I didn't know I couldn't explain it. Maybe it was simply knowing I wouldn't be ready for what I was going to hear because it would totally contradict my current lifestyle. Maybe it would assassinate me and I knew that change was inevitable or maybe I knew deep down that the truth was going to hit me like a tonne of bricks, an inaugural truth or something. My life was about to radically change and I was a little frightened of the whole idea, of losing my ideals - life's a party, philosophy's - live for today cause tomorrow we die, influences - the drug culture, associates - thugs alike and now my whole existence would be subject to the truth and everything I had previously known and lived was about to be eradicated, exposed for what it really was, a life of contradictions, falsehoods and under achievements. Really I was quite raw and naive as a human being.

In 1988, May the 15th to be exact at around 6:00pm I attended a Pentecostal (Spirit filled, Born again) service in the outer western suburbs of Sydney. I went to church and I would never be the same ever again! It was different to how I remembered church as a child, with the highly polished hard wooden pews that creaked and wobbled, the hypnotic patterned carpet that I stared at imagining the spear heads and wheels off wagon trains, the small arched doors at either side of the raised pulpit where the pastor would enter the church from and then leave again from disappearing forever from the face of the earth and then miraculously reappearing from the same small wooden door the following Sunday. The choir rows filled with old pursed lipped ladies with bright lipstick, wearing hats and gloves their hymnal books trembling slightly and the robust men with enthusiastic grins as their veins protruded out of their necks singing and white shirts wrestling their stomachs coming untucked and buttons pulled tight threatening to pop open just above their belts. The Pastors wife would sit in the front row with her children all slicked down and handkerchiefs in hand, polished shoes with their heads slightly turned round to smirk at the rest of us children being shushed and threatened if we so even as much as squirm in our seats. I can recall Sunday School, children, cups of tea and the laughter as we all ran around after the services. It seemed to be a lot of fun at times with church picnics and making our own kites out of brown paper and string, having competitions for the best kite, swimming holes at Wattamolla and those elaborate picnic lunches with the checkered table cloths, sandwiches, cakes, scones and huge amounts of watermelon. I can still see those metallic colored cups scratched and worn around the rims, filled with icy cordial. They were good times, innocent times.
Church Camps at Bundeena, in the southern shire of Sydney across the bay from Cronulla were a regular part of church life which took place on creamy sands amongst the gums trees and Boys Brigade camps held annually for the short time that I lived and spent in the South Hurstville Baptist Children's home. I thank God for those years, this is where the seeds of the Lord were sown heavily into my life and took deep root in my heart. The seeds had been lying dormant in my heart over the years whilst all the time only requiring a drop of living water which would cause these to spring back to life in an instant, just like a typically dry Aussie lawn which is parched, dusty and brown with not so much as a blade of grass visible or a single root showing but as soon as a slight rain falls, it's revived seemingly and overnight greens up like a rich Frisian meadow.
I still have the bible I was presented with on my tenth birthday. It was a second, bought new from the bible store because it had a misprint. Really it was only missing part of a scripture which should have been in red letter from the chapter of Luke. Ironically the scripture missing was "Give them something to eat" This certainly has fed me all these years later. The hand writing is still present today from Dad of the children's home who filled in the missing scripture. We all received one that year! Mine was the first to be had as it was my birthday gift and was hand written in by both Mom and Dad. It read "Presented to Rinaldo on your 10th Birthday Love Mom and Dad" Later that year I left to go and live with my grandmother and sister who were in Newcastle.
My bible was my prize possession. It was a children's bible with pictures. The "Revised Standard Version" yep! the RSV, a translation taken and updated from the King James. Although I never understood it I treasured that bible and it followed me through all the years no matter where I lived or what I did, it was with me always. I never read it but I always had it stuffed down at the bottom of my belongings. The crisp white pages had a new leather smell to them, I would often put my nose deep into the book and breathe in the smell of those pages as if they had some magic to them, that somehow it would take me back in time to where I once lived in the children's home and everything that those days stood for and what I had missed about them, especially Mom and Dad. There was not a crease or mark in those thin pages, even though it was a second, it was perfect! God's message came through perfectly to me eventually. Some would say to me; you need to have this version of the bible in print or that one, but if God can speak through an ass, He can speak to me through this bible second. I have every bible in print today, but I just adore this one, it's my favorite and I have always cherished it. It's ratty and torn, the pages are falling out and held together with tape and such, written all through with notes and highlighted, not an inch of white sides are left in it nor the inserts of white blank pages remain, as they now hold deep mysteries which the Lord has revealed to me over the years since being saved. My bible is now going on to 37 years old and has traveled to several countries with me. It has journeyed along side of me throughout my life, it is my witness, perfect and treasured.

The night I arrived at church the strangest thing, the guys were dressed in top hats and tails, black and whites! it was a prank to remember the anniversary of one of the church leaders who was married a year earlier. What a strange place, what have I come to? They're weird yet? I don't know....
It was night, dark and an autumn chill in the air. We were in a factory unit in the industrial areas of Sydney's west. How bizarre! It was freshly painted with banners and slogans painted on the walls - "Born Again Born To Win" They had a band playing, drums and guitars, sax and bass, singers and people raising their hands singing, I thought this was sort of OK. I didn't speak much to anyone, I was stoned and drugged out but I had gone along with my mates mother who thought that this would be the place for me as the Pastor was cool!
He was certainly not what I was expecting. A tall wiry kiwi (New Zealander) in his late thirties with a perm. Blonde and well spoken he had a small gold filling in one of his front teeth. He jumped around that stage, told jokes and smiled the whole way through. I remember sitting their thinking when will this be over so I can go and have another hit and some smoko back where I am comfortable, but I remained and listened closely as he started to preach his message. Still and almost frozen to my chair he spoke right into the very core of my being. The words penetrated through the drugs, through my flesh, through the ugliness of my present life and through the shallow thoughts of my mind right into my heart. Something within me agreed to every word spoken and I was alert and upright in my seat. I had a tremendous awareness of the truth being preached and I wanted it, I needed it, I had come alive whilst I sat in that obscure little factory unit in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fruit loops and nut jobs.

Keep Alert!!

We as a people need to aware of what is happening in the world, Please take the time to look at my other blog. It is a very important hour in the History of Mankind!

http://churchinthe11thhour.blogspot.com/

An Agenda

A scheme is coersion to accomplish one's own agenda and a plan is a guide to lead you in the right direction - There is a future and hope in God's plan.

But Satan's scheme is to have his agenda accomplished through you!

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope

My Living Testimony - Part 4

Arrested by the truth!

Agitated and highly strung I was coming down hard from the past few days of exceptional highs. Speed, coke, dope, vodka a hearty cocktail for the acquired junkie of many tastes. It's around 6:00am and I can see daylight, the world is up and I'm out on the hunt. I need a fix and I need it now! Down to the early opener and I'm sure I'll score or "get on" as it was called. Within 30 minutes I'm fixed up with a couple of foils and some dope which will last me the day with getting some more smoko later. A quick VLS (vodka Lime and Soda) and I'm off. I had previously arranged to meet a couple of mates down at the local a little later that day and then we would go and have a hit.....of golf that is, you thought drugs didn't you? Yes from time to time we loved a game of golf, 18 holes around the local golf course. We didn't play very well but missing balls and messing up each others shots was fun. We would laugh and bag one another out, have a few joints, a drink or seven on the way around, with blue skies above and not a cloud in sight the sun shinning, what perfection! Then later it would be back to the hotel for more drinks a few bucks on the horses or whatever was running. Now that was a perfect day all in all, a complete day. What more could you ask for? But little did I know that this day was going to be different, very different!
After having my morning hit, some smoko, then a little breakfast another couple of VLS's I was off to pick up my mates and our clubs. Leaving the hotel I did a U-turn in a small side street to get back into the direction I needed to go, but down the end of the street was a police car. O-Oh! what are they doing there? Calmly I continued on as if not even seeing them. I didn't want to draw attention any to us. Too late, we were now being tailed. They followed us immediately as they had seen the three of us leaving the hotel together. I was driving a run down VW convertible with the top down so we were in full view of the police. Drugs on my person in my pockets and wallet and driving, there was nothing I could do to get rid of the stuff as they were right on our tail and watching every move we made.
I drove so carefully being sure not to make a single mistake, my eyes stayed focused on the road looking straight ahead and not once did any of us turn around, we tried to pretend they weren't there. I think we drove almost 10 kilometers chased by police through the western suburbs of Sydney without a single mistake but ahead the traffic light had turned yellow. If I stop now they are going to ram us and if I don't stop they will say I went through on the red. I tried to brake but could see it wasn't going to work, so I planted my foot hard on the accelerator and went through as the light had turned red! Well that was all they needed and the chase was on for them! lights on but no siren as they perused us. We were right around the corner from the golf course at that point so I continued on and headed straight to it, besides there was no where to pull over anyway as the traffic was full on, rush hour. I turned into the golf course car park skidding in the dirt and gravel, and out of nowhere three other police cars and a motorbike cop pulled in like there had been a robbery or something apprehending the suspects. A cloud of dust settled and we were surrounded! we were ordered out of the vehicle and stood apart, searched and then informed of what we had done - "Failing to stop at a red light" but we knew that wasn't really what this was about. After half an hour of interrogation at the golf course car park and being searched including the vehicle, we were about to be written up with a ticket when one of the cops said, I haven't search your wallets! that was me done for. The last to be searched I knew there was no way of getting out of this one, he found the drugs and I was arrested. Handcuffed and taken away, my mates laughed at what had just happened and they went on to play golf, they took my car back for me and I let them know I'll catch up with them later at the hotel.
Now under arrested and handcuffed I was taken straight through to Westmead hospital. My head down shades on, you know the mirrored kind! full beard, tatts and torn clothes, I realized for the first time ever that I even looked like a junkie. I wasn't humiliated just angry at the stares from people thinking to myself I was once like you, don't judge me! who are you to judge me. Have you walked in my shoes, now I felt ashamed - only a little. I was taken to a small examination room where I had to give a urine sample. In the corner of the room was a doctor and two cops standing close by. I don't know if you have ever been in the same position with your system full of drugs, if so you'll know what I mean when I say, the urine was ripe. The cops reeled back covering their noses and mouths. The language they used to describe what they smelled made me laugh quietly to myself and whilst finishing up I shook from laughter but quietly, I think they found my laughing amusing as well. After the blood test as well, which clearly exposed all my track marks I was taken to the police station at Parramatta and charged. Funnily I knew the arresting officer from a couple of years back. I had met him at a party I went to which his mother had invited me to as I knew her well. She had bought the apartment I was living in and had allowed me to keep renting there with her for a couple of months. So technically I lived with his mother, how funny is that! When the drug tests had come back I was informed that I had enough drugs in my system to kill three people. I was three times over a lethal dose, any wonder my body was rejecting this stuff. When questioned back at the station I couldn't help but tell the truth, something in me fell short of lying, I couldn't get away with anything. I was arrested by the truth of it all and the situation fell heavily upon me, all I wanted was for it all to end. Several police searched my apartment, with my consent of course after being told they could get a warrant and just bash the door down and tear the place apart, so I watch on as they invaded my privacy and searched through every piece of clothing, paper, cupboards and linen, you name it they went through it.
As soon as they left a sigh of relief was exhaled and off I went to the hotel to regale what had just happened. I tried to laugh the whole thing off and put it down as an experience, though I kept thinking through the gravity of the situation and I couldn't shake it, the truth of it and the degradation of it weighed me down. I was gone for almost six hours arrested, searched, interrogated, violated and humiliated by the cops as they went through my belongings and read personal stuff written by me. This is the last time I was going to let this happen and I no longer want this kind of life. Not only had I been physically arrested but also in my conscience, heart and to the pit of my stomach by the truth. Simply a shake up to make me think about what I was doing to my life and where I was headed had just happened and I was overwhelmed. As for my mates, what mates? they couldn't even come pick me up, they just laughed and squandered whatever I had along with the fortune I had recently acquired which was now all but gone along with my desire for this lifestyle.
At court 12 months later the arresting officer to my amazement stuttered and mumbled and couldn't get the words out, the magistrate was so angry with him and told him to speak up. He had made several mistakes and the whole case seemed to be bungled. The short of it all was a $500 fine for each offence x 4 and I lost my license for a time, driving under the influence of a drug. God certainly came to my side and helped me in this matter. Justice was served, but by the grace of God I came out of it OK! The scenario could have been a lot different with jail time on the table.
Within the bounds of the law God can do wonders for His children and those who are truly repentant, after all the law and government is set in place by God and under the authority of God. Yes! corruption exists but in no way does this inhibit God and His power.

Back to my roommate, his mother was a Christian and had often asked me to church.....I declined every time but now I was seriously thinking more and more about it! I needed help and was desperate to get out before ending up in prison or dead. Church was looking like a good option at this point......

My Living Testimony - Part 3

Tongue Talkers

My body rejected every push of the needle that I drove hard into my veins, each time tearing them a little further apart with blood escaping into tissue, all whilst chasing that illusive rush trying to better the last. Vomiting, cramped and very vague I pursued the climactic hit, the one as good as my first. Every muscle was weak, my flesh pale, my frame thin and drawn from a lack of vitamins and malnourished I continued to down more vodka, snort more coke, smoke more dope and shoot thousands of dollars up my arm. Dying slowly a death the same as thousands that had gone before me, I was in the company of the rich, of movie stars, rock stars and endless nobodies. All victims of the same synonymous choir of addicts, crying out the same chorus, knocking on Heavens door, I can feel it, cold and clammy, death was approaching, empty and unfulfilled, nevertheless I'll just keep going till the weakened muscle in my frail chest gives up.

It was around this time I finally realized that nothing was going to stop this morbid cycle except that if by some miracle there was a God that could rescue me, so I cried out for HELP! I mustered every bit of raw survival scream I had left in me and yelled in desperation and fear of my impending demise. If there really was a God that could save me, I needed Him NOW. I screamed with all that I had in that small apartment, I reflected back to my childhood in the Baptist children's home and thought that from so many people who attended church, surely they couldn't all be so deluded, and that there must have been some truth in all of this. The silence that followed was deafening, I wept bitterly at what had become of me. I needed rescuing or I was dead. I kept a calendar of the drugs bought and money spent and with a large black maker I wrote across it HELP! I still have it to this day as a reminder and souvenir of my past life.

Several months before this final binge I was awarded $40,000 dollars for a payout from an insurance company after I had a work accident and broke one of my elbows. This was the second time in my life that I had broken an elbow. The first was whilst loaded up on barbiturates in North Queensland, Townsville to be exact and a car had sharply turned in front of me coming from the opposite direction whilst I was riding down the main drag on my motorcycle. It was a heavy noisy beast, but I loved to ride it. It seemed to be captured in slow motion as I sailed over the top of the car and landed on my back in a four ways intersection coming down heavily on my left arm. Traffic just watched on, not moving, still and idling. My motorcycle landed on the kerb next to the traffic lights and I bounced back on to the road with my head hitting the bitumen several times just from the motion. No concussion, no bruises just a broken elbow. Needless to say, unlicensed, unregistered and out of it, I needed to get out of there ASAP! I got to my feet and tried to lift the beast but my arm gave way, car doors flew open and a couple of decent people helped me off the road whilst others looked on in disbelief. Later the police arrived and sought out the vehicle that had hit me as it had left the scene. No one was ever charged! Surgery, a week in hospital, a few pins and wire in my elbow, a few drinks, some smoko and I was on the mend. I made a few mates from that stay in hospital and often went drinking with them including some of the nurses. These also drifted out of my life as I moved on.

The case for my injury claim from the work accident seemed to take forever but it came around and in a lump sum payout which was settled out of court. I shot the whole lot up my arm in three months which then brought me to the end of myself! I placed an add in the newspaper for a roommate and in came a tongue talking' babbler from Bribe Island, Queensland. This guy was a Christian, backslidden, but God had mapped out this course of events to bring me to Him. Since the day I cried out to God things started to change around me. All of a sudden the cab I hailed down would have a Christian at the wheel, preaching the gospel to me. Flyer's for Christianity would now end up in my mailbox. I was being pursued in a positive way by Christians and the truth. It started to all make sense. I remembered little things from my childhood that I had forgotten like who was the oldest man in the Bible? Methuselah and The sun shines on the righteous, all sorts of things that seemed to be trivia from my Sunday school days. I even heard scripture quoted on the television which I went and looked up, yes... I had a bible. I still remember it was on marriage and divorce in Matthew, I didn't comprehend at the time what the Lord was saying to me but later I understood He was saying by the Holy Spirit that I was married to the world and divorcing it was what I had to do.
My roommate and I still got high everyday but the funny thing was we would talk of God and of the bible. He would start praying in a language that I had never heard and to me it was beautiful. I wanted him to keep doing it. So here we were two guys drug addicts, on the floor, off our faces, needles,bong's,cones and alcohol laying around, smoking and praying to God! and my roomy, praying in tongues, WOW! what an experience this was. This was all so new and powerful to me, something was happening and I had no idea what. I came to know a presence of peace in my apartment. I put it down to a spirit of a child that had been hit by a car and killed on our street just a month or so earlier hanging around us. How lame was that! Later I knew it was the peaceful presence of the Holy Spirit. I would often speak to the spirit whilst on my own and share what I was doing or laughing with it, it was so normal to me really like I had known this spirit for many years. It was quite natural yet unnatural. Drugs can bend and shape your reality but this was real, nothing that drugs could conjure up or manufacture. This was not in my mind but alive!

My Living Testimony - Part 2

Derelict of any Conscience

It felt like nothing else I had ever experienced, pure ecstasy not the drug but the state of euphoria. I didn't like my reality so this was my only means to escape the insanity of what I owned. These two worlds couldn't coexist so the stronger the drug the larger the reality of my new world. I lived with torment, abandonment issues, rejection, sexual abuse and guilt. An insatiable appetite had developed from a lack of knowledge of how to deal with all these emotions, towards society and anyone who couldn't identify with my pain or how I dealt with it. Hate was my weapon of choice and violence soon followed it. My inner circle of friends were junkies, thieves and thugs! what camaraderie there was between us all, animals feasting on one another's kill, violent beasts attacking anything or anyone that came within the boundaries of our territory and domain. Conflict and destruction of ourselves ate at us like a cancer and not one of us had the intellect or ability to recognize each others slow death and decay. We were self mutilating, just in another form, through drugs because of the dissatisfaction of who we were and what we had become. It was difficult to look into a mirror and face who we were or who we had become so we kept burying ourselves deeper and deeper on a daily basis of ritualistic drugs and booze. Breaking the law was a given and we were a law unto ourselves and as for me no laws existed. My new philosophy developed at the age of 16 towards life, live for today cause tomorrow I die!
Neglected and hurled out of my own home at just turned 16 by my step-father, after assaulting me, fueled my anger and rage towards my natural mother and the world as she stood by and let this happen. She watched the whole incident and watched me leave without saying a word as I left the comfort of our cosy small apartment in the inner city of Sydney for the cold night air of the streets. What do I do now? Just a short 6 months earlier I had suggested he move in with us, I knew its what he and my mum wanted. How the tables turned so quickly and standing in the dark on a cold Sydney street wondering what is going to happen to me whilst they are back there in a warm apartment having a hot meal. To this day I can't rightly remember where I spent that first night but there were many nights on the streets in public toilets, in run down buildings with junkies, homosexuals, sexually diseased women and on the odd occasion with friends whose parents were oblivious.
My disposition had turned from a naive boy into a young violent man! My rage took me from brutal assaults and robbery to being really frightened of myself and believing that I was capable and could quite easily murder if this anger was not brought under control. I had sporadic work but couldn't hold anything down permanently because of my addictions and money was always a problem but you learned street smarts and found ways around the lack of your financial problems. As a Christian one of the first statements of wisdom I heard was "that a problem is a matter proposed for solution" even in a street environment, this I learned other ways.
I was now derelict of any conscience and continued into a downward spiral of morals and values with complete degradation of self and disdain for my fellow human beings. Overtaken for 9 years, a path of destruction, betrayal, hatred and many victims of my schemes and rage were now evident and left behind. With too many to recount and find to make amends! I just kept moving on, besides, where would I begin to look? I couldn't remember half of the stuff myself, these I left to the Lord and laid at the cross.
It was now early 1988, the beginning of the end was approaching at rapid speed and I was caught in a whirlwind of paranoia, depression and death. My days were numbered and I was slipping away.......

Rinaldo

My Living Testimony - Part 1

Drugged and Delusional

It was nothing for me to be awake hours on end at a time and be in some sort of trance, dead on the outside almost frozen yet alive and screaming on the inside. My mind was racing with thoughts and ideas, constantly craving more of the backyard drug laced with what seemed like battery acid and cut with something so strong it smelled like a talcum powder. The strong smell wafted through the pores of your skin, my jaws ached from an uncontrollable clenching of my teeth. The hours flew by from darkness to daylight within what seemed minutes. I would have a supply of dope to smoke throughout the night and vodka was my drink of choice. The back of my throat was almost burnt out through all the alcohol consumed over the years and the pulling of cones one after another. Cigarettes, no food and no sleep was how I would start the cycle all over again once daylight hit. Chasing the dragon was more than an addiction it was a power play for me to see how long it would take me to score again without even paying for it by cutting someone else's deal and then how fast I could hit up.Life went on for years this way, I was a cocktail junkie for over 9 years and any drug would do. I could consume the worst of it and the best of it in large quantities and it always amazed those around me. I liked to be the best at what I did and how I did it back then. I guess what surprised me the most was the determination to the hunt, to track down the source, hunt out the drug, nothing would ever stop me. I remember one occasion where it took me the whole day up until almost midnight, well over 14 hours to score, then the jackpot! The intake was climactic.....veins pumped then the pop of my skin as the blunt needle pierced my flesh and entered the almost collapsed vein.There were things that I have not talked about a whole lot before of what happened in those days leading up to the end of my addiction. Some would say that I was delusional but you might say that that's the spiritual realm which is revealed to those whom God chooses to reveal it to or who the Devil seeks to destroy!Late one night early in the year of 1988, I gave up my room for someone staying over and I laid out on the lounge room floor and went off to sleep in the early hours of the morning. It was pitch black and I couldn't see my hand in front of me it was so black. I must have fallen asleep instantly for the next thing I woke so suddenly and so abruptly, still on my side wide awake, more awake than I can ever remember being but frozen solid with fear. Only eyes were able to move. Have you ever felt fear before? I was absolutely paralyzed and gripped with the most frightening feeling that I had ever experienced. It was pure evil and right at my side, I could almost feel its breath on my cheek as it stared right at me. I couldn't move it was right there, I was so terrified to turn and look at what was there in the pitch black. It's evil presence consumed me from top to bottom and I knew that I had to do something. What seemed like minutes must have only been seconds in reality. Determination built up within my being and with every bit of courage and strength that I could muster I had to face this demon staring into my face, its cheek seemed to be touching mine coming at me from behind so as I couldn't see it. Then one, two, three I threw myself over, my whole body turned with such force and I stared back at this thing, this presence of evil........It was gone! I never saw it, it just disappeared into thin air. I was released from the grip of fear which had paralyzed me. This demonic presence vanished cowardly as I turned to face it. I thought to myself I never ever want to experience that again. I have never felt that type of fear and evil presence to this day again but I have certainly experienced lesser and even chased it out of my house or my son's room and even off our bed at night.The Devil comes to rob, kill and to destroy but Jesus came to destroy the works of the Devil! amen.The very next day at work without any prompting or conversation from me on the matter, the guys and myself were sitting around having some cones, smoking joints and having a drink when to my amazement they started to talk about this fear. I thought what! are you serious. They said: you know if you call upon the name of Jesus the fear and evil presence leaves instantly. Well, I couldn't believe what I was hearing, this was the first of many coincidences which I now call God incidences I experienced as a pre-believer and now believer.

Rinaldo

Oasis!

The Chocolate Donut

An Oasis simple means: A shelter serving as a place of safety or sanctuary!

When I was in pre-school around the age of 4 I lived with an older couple who cared for me whilst my mother worked shifts at the local hospital. It was difficult for me as a child being away from her for long periods of time. I missed her terribly as I had already been placed in another home previously when I was 2 years old. My only real memory of living with them was the school I attended in Burwood, Sydney, losing the sight in one eye from being struck by the man and when my mother would come and visit because she'd only have to leave again.

But one memory I have and will always remember is at morning tea time or snack time I would be bought a huge light fluffy donut with a thick chocolate glaze that would melt in my mouth and it was all mine. I can still smell it! It was the best thing ever, and I looked forward to it every day. There wasn't a lot to look forward to in those days and there weren't a lot of good memories, but this was my oasis. Still to this day I love big chocolate donuts.......hmmmmm, YUMBLY!

Do you have an oasis?

Don't be fooled....

"The Devil refines lies until they resemble the truth!"

The 3-D's of the Devil are

Doubt

Discouragement

and

Division

Rinaldo

To trust another human being

It takes complete trust and absolute confidence in another human being to avert the course of corruption in your life whilst engaged in any form of addiction. It requires a person who is non judgmental although whose bias is with the side of moral judgment and truth and also without condemnation.
It takes someone who does not condone the action or behaviour but is also willing through a pure love and an earnest desire to see you through the management and the course of your life, to outflank and overcome your present state of mind and immoral conscience.

"An interested party or one who takes on the responsibility of being your accountability needs to be a successor of addiction of any kind."

Rinaldo

What's your name?

I was named after my grandfather Rinaldo on my paternal side and hated the name. What did it mean? How strange to me it was as a young child. It was shortened though during my youth by my maternal family and I was known as something totally different which didn't resemble and had nothing to do with the first....at all!
At the age of 18 I changed my name legally to a good Aussie name, which served two purposes, firstly to escape my surname, the name of my mother's new surname and of my step father, the maternal grandparents and the paternal side which was all just so confusing and secondly tax reasons. I worked illegally for a while under this other name as I was paid at a higher rate due to falsifying my age amongst other things, but that's a whole other show! In my family we all had different names, my sister grew up with my maternal grandmother and had another name, my mother married again and had another name, I didn't know my father or any other relative with my name or surname, so why should I keep it?
So I began a whole new identity and life at the age of 18 with a totally different name......but it didn't change the fact that I was still Rinaldo of Italian decent, born in Australia, with all the same history, events and estranged family! it never changed who I was, I still exsisted even with a new name, nothing had changed.
After 15 years or so through circumstances I wont go into now I came across someone who knew my father and every year he visited the very same village where he was from in Italy. I wanted to know more and reach out to my heritage. I tried to make contact with him through this person without success. I needed to know all about him and what he was like, did I have any other relatives, how many, who were they, what were their names, where are they and so on? I found out a few years later that word got through to my father and he sent me a letter which was lost and he also was excited to know about his son. Cutting this story short which I will go into at another time, before I could ever make contact with him, he died. I never met or heard from him, ever!
I find it very odd that in life we all at some point will search out the truth of ourselves and our heritage. I now am proud of this name which I had abandoned and now talk of freely, I use it as my alias.

A name means something and has substance to it, you are known by it, God knows you by name. It often reflects you and your character. People associate you and your name with your qualities, character and personality.
A bad name goes long ahead of you and people steer clear of it and you. A good name brings people to you! It is a good thing to have a reputable name; it’s regarded as a blessing and not a curse. We need to have positive spoken over us and let God build us a good name, reputation and standing in our communities.
Some people can hide behind a name but you can’t escape who you are, your character and personality shine through every time. People want to use good names, e.g. sporting identities, actors who will promote products and endorse just causes.

For my friend, don't let your name be tarnished by others but be humble and know that God knows......to me you are a flower and a flower is not only beautiful but perfect in form. It is delicate in motion and graceful in sight. Vibrant and alive! A flower has its own fragrance which adds to ones life, it can be useful and beautiful to many. Think of pollination and how much else grows because when in contact with pollen it brings about germination of a new life. One can make sweet nectar with the life you ooze and others marvel at the hive or what someone else can build through savouring and storing the rich honey that comes from the flower. You touch others and are fragrant and beautiful, the way the Lord wants us to be. You are special and have indirectly touched my life - be encouraged and not whither away, because "encouragement causes power and effect"

For D. You have a good and perfect name....

God wants us to be known by His name, and to be a blessing!

Rinaldo

Three Chairs-one of my favourite sayings...

One chair is for solitude!

Two are for friendship,

and three chairs,

society!

Photos by Rinaldo

Peculiar People

Of late all we hear of in the media is the rivalry between outlaw biker gangs or the leader of the Hells Angels gang has done this or the head of the Commancheros has done that. Arrested for retaliation and arrested for murder seem to be the headlines, love triangles, drugs, guns and other violent criminal behaviour!
Funny now it seems a world away when I hung with a few of the outlaw bikers from the Banditos and knew several colourful characters. Those were my drugs days when to be straight was a myth....an outrageous philosophy.
I would arrive at the local hotel where a lot of unsavoury characters Hung out and we would drink and deal in drugs to the small hours of the morning from when around the hotel opened at 6am.
The lifestyle was so foreign to that which I live today through Jesus!
The language the conversation the method of survival is so alien to today's sedate yet powerful and interesting life with a whole new group of people.
I survived in that environment because Christ wanted me too, by His grace I was saved from that undercurrent of violence and drug related crime. I abused myself to the degree of being near death and I spent 10's of thousands of dollars on drugs and alienated the whole of society except for the den of shady characters I knew.

Six months after coming to know the Lord Jesus as my saviour I joined the local outreach team and played drums for the music team. One Saturday morning we went out on an outreach into the heart of Blacktown and sang songs of praise to the Lord and witnessed to His Resurrection power, love and saving grace. I had a smile from ear to ear whilst playing those drums and was caught up in the pure joy I was experiencing as a new Christian.

Well ...who should pass us by in the mall, but three of the gang! They slowed their walk down to a steady pace and did a double take and stood with unbelief upon their faces as they saw "Puss" formerly me, playing in a Christian band with an unrecognisable smile on my face which they had seldom seen....

I yelled to them "I've been born again, I now follow Jesus and it's the best ever....you can too"
They started to walk off quickly but then looked back several times with slight grins of recognition and amazement to my new found life.....my eyes followed them till they were out of sight. It was the last time I ever saw them, I wonder what the news was that travelled that grapevine and what was ever spoken of me, probably that the drugs overtook me or that I'd gone completely mad.
I know what happened.....the truth happened!

We are a peculiar people.

Ponderings

Last night whilst sitting in my garden looking upon the work I had done, I began to ponder upon the environment around me, after all the environment which surrounds us determines a lot about us. The way we look, the way we feel, the comfort level and so on. You can tell a lot about a person through the environment of one's life, from the friends you keep, the activities you do and the clubs or associations you belong to. For me the environment is the difference between being a house or a home! A job or a career....
I grew up in very sterile environments, orphanages stark and void, detached from any real warmth or feeling, institutions alike. I can still smell the smells which in an instant transport me through time back to that very place which I despised or associated emptiness and loneliness with. Later as an adult I also worked in these depressing environments and it was very difficult to remain there for long periods of time therefore I changed jobs a lot.
Now I can create, as my father is the master Creator! I love my home and my gardens, they are forever changing to get the best quality and comfort from them. Colour and textures, light and shade, shape and form all have an emphasis on who I am and what I desire to create and gaze upon and Behold it is good.....
God walked in the Garden He created in the cool of the evening - as I love to do and with His creation, how sweet are the simple things in life. But to gaze upon what you have accomplished with your hands, it is more than satisfying. I sat last night in the cool air with the silhouette of mountains and the rusty tinge the sun left whilst setting for another day, and above, diamonds appearing. I pondered on the environment I will go to when I leave this planet! How beautiful and perfect will the next garden be in which I walk and with my creator - Abba Father!

Ecclesiastes 1-9 says:
1:1 The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem:
1:2 Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity!
1:3 What is the profit to a man in all his labor which he labors under the sun?
1:4 A generation passes away, and another generation comes; but the earth stands forever.
1:5 The sun also arises, and the sun goes even panting to its place; it arises there again.
1:6 The wind goes toward the south, and turning around to the north; the wind is going around and around. And the wind returns on its circuits.
1:7 All the rivers are going to the sea; yet the sea is not full. To the place where the rivers are going, there they are returning to go again.
1:8 All words are wearisome; a man is not able to utter it. The eye is not satisfied to see, nor is the ear filled from hearing.
1:9 That which has been, it is that which shall be. And that which has been done, it is that which will be done. And there is no new thing under the sun.

Going to a greater environment - HEAVEN!

Negativity

Being raised during the mid to late sixties and seventies I was often the butt of racial jokes as my father being Italian and my mother Australian born but having French descendant grandparents, gave me the look of a dark skinned, dark thick haired sharp thin featured foreigner. During my school years it was hard to verbalise how I felt about being in the minority and because I was born and raised in Australia during that era, I had no history or cultural awareness. Of course in the multi cultural society we live in today so many are proud of their heritage and culture, as I am today also and now even learning my fathers native tongue.

Not knowing how to address my peers to my ethnicity or to get them to understand and portray that I also was an Australian caused such frustration and anger which often resulted in attacks physically on those who would hurl these insults at me.
During the course of my life the term "Wog" was so offensive and even hearing it the other day brought my mind right back to where it once dwelled. In today's generation it's become a racial discrimination (and punishable by law if used incorrectly), but the emphasis has lost it potency. Once it meant you dirty greasy, non English speaking unwanted invader of my country or so I felt. Now it's a word of slang that is used so seldom and has lost the real meaning of what it used to imply.

Now not to get side tracked my whole point is that for me it effected the total and whole perspective of myself, how I viewed myself and was perceived. I was the ugliest, most unwanted, non Australian, useless and good for nothing lowlife ever to walk the face of the earth and I had to deal with these thoughts and emotions on my own. There was no one to discuss this with or who could go into bat on my behalf as I couldn't even communicate the very thoughts or feelings of my youth, they were bottle up tight and were always at the surface waiting to explode.
Often being chosen for a team of compulsory sport at school was so hard to deal with as I was the "wog" who no one wanted!

I had to deal with this through the course of my life and it effected so many views and outlooks on my life of who I was becoming. I made a lot of decisions based on the way I thought of myself and missed many opportunities because I thought I could never be good enough! or was ever needed.
Eventually I learned through all of this that I was made up of more than what I looked like on the outside and my thoughts of self were incorrect after many years of being repulsive not only to others but also to myself.
I see this now as an adult who now lives in such a hugely multicultural society, that all these untruths I used to think of myself, were fears that others had, rejections from others who were lacking in knowledge and their perceptions were forced upon me which then became my own. But only through the positive and consistent words of LIFE spoken to me through the word of God and through those who love and have accepted me for who they see, have I now been enabled to overcome most of the hurdles, and allow the positives to take root in my heart not the negatives that I had developed in my mind.

We are all created equally and beautifully in the sight of God and can stand without shame of culture, breed and race for we are all the same in His sight! Loved and wanted.....HUMAN BEINGS OF EQUAL VALUE

"The mind is like a darkroom, it's where we develop our negatives"